Good gracious. I stopped breathing several times when I saw this video. I even shouted "Roxas?" with surprise on the quiet floor of the library on campus. Kingdom Hearts is #2 on my top ten list of favorite games EVER, right after Zelda. It's only being released on PS3, to my knowledge.

I'm afraid that this catapults buying a PS3 to the top of my "gotta-have-it" list, even though I'm well aware that it's a ridiculous 600 dollars.

*random thought* I often walk about campus with my iPod on. I like to listen to Everything But The Girl, Chicane, Royksopp, Morcheeba, Moby, St. Germaine, etc. If I'm having a stressful day, it helps me mellow out in my free time. I often reflect on Fox or other such things while I'm walking.

There are many times when someone walks past me, and I have the urge to pounce on them and rip their throat out, or simply to stalk them. There's not any anger behind the urges. The people that I have these urges towards tend to be physically smaller in stature than myself, and often acting ditzy or obnoxiously talking on their cellphone or to each other. For a few seconds I view them as my prey. If it's around dusk and there are few people about, I indulge a bit and allow myself to crouch and focus. Other times if the urge is particularly strong, I stalk squirrels and birds instead. I wish I had some dummies that I could stalk and then pounce on, even though I would look ridiculous pouncing on something in this awkward human body.

To be fleet and nimble of foot....alas.

Loud or persistent noises irritate me to a level that is almost unbearable. I suspect that if my brain identified only as human, most of those noises would get filtered out and subsequently blocked, as long as I was concentrating. Fox is particularly sensitive to these intrusive and repetitive noises. He filters less than my human brain, and I find that I am intensely aware of a large range of noises that most of my peers are oblivious to.

Several weeks ago a Coke machine was being restocked with much clatter and gear-shifting noises as I waited for my Marketing class in the Business School. Though initially I did not notice it (I was consolidating some notes), a sudden rodent-like squeal caught Fox's attention. From there the noises grew louder until they I was nearly out of my mind with anger. I glanced at my fellow students to gauge their reactions, and it was as if the hallway was deathly silent. There were at least 20 people, all bent over their spirals and books, or idly staring off into space. No one had iPods either. Does Fox influence my perception of noise, or am I just particularly sensitive to noise?

I have always jumped at the slightest sound. Perhaps Fox is watchful and jumpy when I am busy? I've never been paranoid or self-conscious of people watching me, and I'm not high-strung. My heart pounds and pressure builds in my temples when something startles me. My lips curl into the beginnings of a snarl, and I clench my teeth. Even if someone isn't being loud, just setting a book on the table or shutting the fridge door, I jump like a thunderclap went off in the room. I am always instantly irritable after being startled.

I think I jump because Fox is naturally watchful. Yes, he is a predator, but can also be prey for the larger carnivores. The snap of a twig, a furtive rustle in the undergrowth, foliage brushing against a furry hide, the flap of a bird's wings, all of those things alert me to the fact that prey or predator is present. Anything that mirrors those sounds in the human world provokes the same thought process, though I know the chances of a predator being near are slim.

*note* I refer to the human and Fox minds as separate for the sake of understanding. They are not actually divided. Both human and Fox thoughts occur simultaneously.

I think that since I'm a fox animal person, it is fitting to start my journal with a short reflection on my animal and what my connection with him means to me. This is by no means a complete post. I want to set down some initial thoughts before I go to sleep. ^^

Though not cowardly, Fox is no fool. He fights when it is necessary, and flees when he knows the fight will be too hard-won. Though I have always felt this discerning mind layered within my own, I am hopelessly stubborn and a complete romantic. Both of these traits have struggled against Fox my entire life. It has taken me until quite recently to realize that I do not need to win all of my battles, and more importantly, I cannot win them all.

In so many ways, Fox has defined my personality. All of the collective paths of my brain cross and merge into a behavior/thought-process that I have identified as animal/person. I have often thought that Fox is not the only definite identity of myself. That is, there could be another animal with such similar characteristics as Fox that I mistake one for the other.

More than ever, I feel Fox's singular, uncomplicated mindset press against my human religion and morals. Though I debate and think about things like war, politics, abortion, and gender, Fox is unconcerned and insistent in his ignorance. My complex human/fox mind both agrees with and rejects the other, though there is never any clearly distinguishable 2nd mindset.